Words of the Heart

I have noticed that in the small moments in a conversation, I have a really bad habit of bringing up something negative and masking it as a real concern. I suppose my intention is to just gauge what I'm thinking with that of another person, but nevertheless, I always seem to leave with a battered conscious.

I think this is a real shame! Instead of me seeking the quiet comfort of God I turn to gossip. Gossip, in it's truest sense, is failing to be truly humble and patient as I wait for God to calm my soul. Instead, I seek meager and sometimes sinful methods to lighten my heart from my "inner chatter".

I must make a strong attempt to hang to the comfort that comes only from God. I must realize that everything I say needs to benefit those around me spiritually. Ever pushing those God has put in my path to become more and more like Christ.

Focus

I really seem to have a problem focusing on stuff. I don't mean like the little, unimportant things in my life. I'm talking about the big, life-changing things in my life. 

Take the other night for example. I was laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep when I all of sudden realized that maybe I should spent a couple minutes talking to God since I had forgotten to do that the entire day. I rolled over on my back and got ready to make up for lost time (as if God keep tracks of my daily prayers in how many minutes I talk to Him) and started to pour my heart out to God. 

Less than 45 seconds later, my mind began to drift to a clip of Family Matters that I had seen earlier that day. I started thinking about Urkel and how weird that show was but it always had a point at the end of the episode. I then started thinking about whatever happened to that guy who played Urkel and if people still see him on the street and call him "Urkel"? I thought really long and hard about how that would make me feel if people only knew me by someone who didn't even exist and a silly, seemingly unimportant someone at that. Moments later, I was sound asleep.

So in a matter of seconds, I went from talking with my Creator to thinking about Steve Urkel! And not only that, I put way more effort into thinking about Steve Urkel than I did about God. I wonder what God thinks of me when I do that? 

So I confess that I have a focusing problem. I just can't seem to get my priorities straight. Maybe I should be more intentional. Maybe a little more organized. Whatever the solution to the problem one thing is for sure, God deserves more of my time. This week I am finding ways to do just that. Giving more of my time to God. It's not some sort of thing I am doing because I feel I have to, but because when I spend more time with God, I am a better person. I slowly begin to look a little more like Him.